Tag Archive | trust

He Is Faithful and Good

For whatever reason, the blog has been getting a lot of views lately – both on the wordpress site and on Facebook. As you may have noticed, nothing has been written in quite some time. Well, nothing blog worthy anyway. With all the looks, though, I’m guessing that it means I might need to write something.

“Something.”   😉

Truth be told, it’s been a very trying and difficult season. None of which I will go into now 3e28307761b240f34c56bdf91cd6ea31– I do love my transparency with things, but most of this isn’t mine to share and some of it I’m just trying to process still. Sometimes, writing can be part of the process, but other times, we just need to be still and find answers and peace in His solitude.

And that’s exactly where I’m at right now. Sitting at His feet, thanking Him for the little things, praying for big things, and doing my best to stay in His presence despite the enemy’s desire to pull me away.

When times like this come, and they will and do come, please please please – find Him and find the people
whom He has put in your path to help hold you up. Life is not about doing it all by ourselves. It’s about leaning into Him and His people.

The good news is that He is faithful and I am seeing the fruits of consistent prayer in this challenging season. Prayer really does change things, friends. Not just the things for which we’re praying, but it changes us.

My head is above the wave, the tides are changing, and He is good. All the time.

No Passing Zone

I’ve been throwing this topic around in my head for weeks. I’m not sure that I even have enough of a cohesive thought about it to actually make something that sounds helpful or encouraging, but I’m ready for it to leave my brain.

Transition from one very safe place into a much unknown place can be mucky and murky and difficult. I’ve encountered more “trust issues” in the last year than I have in the last decade. It’s made me think back to the old me, the one who didn’t trust people, and I had to play this out carefully to not allow myself to slip back into that place of a consistently untrusting spirit.

The definition of trust is simple: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. The act of trusting is not quite so simple, though. It isn’t just the ability to be vulnerable with another human; it’s the conscious decision to believe your safety is of interest to another human; whether it’s emotional, physical, spiritual, etc…

In hindsight, because I allowed myself to try and run ahead of God and the plans He had for me, I felt like I was suddenly not under His armor or behind His shield or allowing Him to journey ahead of me in order to clear the path. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe for one hot second that God walked away from me and suddenly left me unprotected, but I did walk ahead of Him – with an unconscious flip of my hand saying, “thanks for getting me to this point, God … I got it from here.”

And now I have s6195593_origome consequences for that. I’ve been a little dinged up, a little bit damaged, and a little less trusting. Not because of anything He did, but because of what I thought I could do without Him leading the way. God does give us wisdom to make decisions and opportunities to spread our wings, but when we’re too busy running ahead, we’re running right by the things He has for us and we don’t even realize it.

The good news is that we have a God of mercy and grace. When we run ahead, we can turn back to Him and He’ll give us a proverbial pat on the head and say something like, “passing Me the baton now, eh?” and He’ll keep it pushin.. (maybe He just says that to me… :p )

So for those of us feeling a little battered, a little bruised, a little unsure of the people in our circle, or just plain unsure of ourselves – let’s take some time to check our placement. Are we under and behind His armor or are we walking ahead trying to “handle it” on our own. If it’s the latter, I’ll be praying with you (and myself) that we might be made aware when we’re trying to run ahead and that we fall back under His loving protection.

 

 

Blessing Reminders

Blessings are sometimes overlooked. I’m totally guilty.

A friend of mine said to me today, “blessings come very easily for you. It’s not a bad thing, you’ve been such a blessing to other people and now you’re reaping that reward.”

What? What blessings? Do you know that I’m praying for this, and this, and that? And this one thing I’ve been praying for 15 years! This other thing I’ve been praying for almost two years! I have this on my list and this and that one thing. I’m waiting for ALL of these things or at least one to pan out for me. I just need to catch a break.

Wablessed-aviciih Wah Wah Wahhhh! WAH!

I didn’t say all that. Inside my head, though, I did. Until…

I realized how right she was and how grateful I am that she called me on it.

In the recent months, I’ve been showered with blessings. Help with car repairs, birthday gifts I don’t deserve, meals at nice restaurants that I wouldn’t normally go to, even a couple trips because of the generosity of those who love me. I’ve had friends purge their closets and I’ve acquired the rewards. People have been generous and kind to my man-child.

There really are so many things! The problem is that my focus keeps being drawn to the things I’m not receiving. The things I think I *really* want/need, but aren’t coming to fruition.

Help me, God, I’m a blind, thankless woman who can’t even appreciate (beyond the immediate appreciation) the blessings that have come to me because I’m so determined to keep my eye on the blaringly obvious things that I feel are still missing.

I can’t imagine I’m the only one who has done this… right? Back me up here…

So, take a few minutes… do an internal audit of the things happening around you, to you, and for you. Those, my friend, are blessings.

It’s too easy to slip into that place of “not enough” or “why not me?” Flip that focus switch, friends. Allow God to show you the work He’s doing for you, how He’s providing, and how He’s lining up His people on your behalf.

He is a good, kind, gracious, loving God. Amen!

 

Singing A New Song

One year ago… today…  I drove away from home. It’s the second time in my life when all my possessions were tucked away into a truck to be hauled miles and miles away from the place I called home.

When I left Michigan, it was hard, but it was for work. I didn’t have a lot of options and that seemed like the best one. When I left the eastern panhandle of West Virginia/northern Virginia area, it was a totally different move.

A kicking and screaming move.

An exciting move.

A “I’m scared to death to do this” move.

A “I have peace, but no understanding” move.

A fully surrendered move.

Now, here I sit, one year later, and I’ve gained no more understanding than I had a year ago. I almost wrote this post with the intent to write about all the things I miss. The people I love. The job I left. The church that welcomed me into her arms every week and the hugs that embraced me – tightly and with a depth of love I long for today.

I can’t go there, though. It isn’t healthy for me and that isn’t where God is calling me to focus. He doesn’t want us looking back and living in the place He no longer has for us. When Christ calls us to Him, it’s important to keep our attention on the road ahead, no matter how frustrated we are with the process. No matter how foggy or dimly lit that road might be.

So, as you can imagine, I’ve been pouring over different scriptures to walk me along this path, looking for ways to intentionally seek after God’s direction, and turn into myself to see how He’s trying to transform me through this process.

Here are some things I’ve had to cling to during this process:

Connect. With God. With people.

Be useful. To God. To others.

Learn. More about God. More about others.

Love. Intentionally and completely.

No matter where we are in life, the road less travelled or often travelled, those things listed above will always be important. When things might not make sense to us or our world is confusing, those things above will always remain. They allow us the chance to step outside our own self and look at the bigger picture. The fullness of Him and His purpose.

It’s easy to sit in our puddle, pool, or pit of self-pity or doubt or funk. The truth is, though, that we need to be running harder and faster after Him. We need to have a circle of people surrounding us. I have a small group of ladies that I’m constantly throwing out prayer requests to because I trust them and love them. I know they feel the same about me. We all have the same goal when we’re living in community together – even if it’s 1,000+ miles apart. We’re called to walk life with others, be prayerful for others, and help those God puts in our life to know Jesus a little better every day.

Tonight, I will be hosting my first book study here in the great state of Texas, with a small group of women I’ve come to know. While I did not schedule it to begin on this day because of the whole “one year ago today” thing… this morning I’m sorta sitting here in awe at how God works out these little confirmations and reminders for us to hold onto.

He is good. All the tinewsongme. All the time. He is good.

***

You’ve brought me to the end of myself
This has been the longest road
Just when my hallelujah was tired
You gave me a new song

I’m letting go
I’m letting go
I’m letting go
Falling into You

I confess I still get scared sometimes
But perfect love comes rushing in
And all the lies screamed inside go silent
The moment You begin

I’m letting go
I’m letting go
I’m letting go

Falling into You

You remind me
Of things forgotten
You unwind me
Until I’m totally undone
And with Your arms around me
Fear was no match for Your love
Now You’ve won me

And if I lived a thousand lifetimes
And wrote a song for every day
Still there would be no way to say
How You have loved me

Oh, how You love me
And that’s how You’ve won me

 

Life Hurts – God Heals

How is someone supposed to feel when a Father dies?

An unknown father.

An absent father.

A father who walked away from his own child father?

I had a dad with whom I was raised and I also had a father that contributed to my creation who then abandoned my mom. My mom was married to my bio dad for a couple of years and all the things I know about him are bad. Not at all good.

Every few years, I would get a hankering to do a “search” for my bio dad online. I never found him, though. I had that hankering a couple weeks ago. I found him. He’s dead.

I knew it was him because I remember his mom’s name and his sister’s name, both of whom were mentioned in his obituary. Also mentioned were his wife and three children – now adults, of course. His love for art and how he was able to make so many people smile and bring happiness and joy through his art was also mentioned. My bio dad was an artist. He drew and painted for others. To make them happy.

On par with what all abandoned children feel, we fall into the questions that come with abandonment – why wasn’t I good enough for him? Why didn’t he love me? Did he ever think about me? Did anyone know about me? Was I just forgotten all these years? Did he create a whole new life and just forget his old one existed? Why didn’t he want to know me? Am I that awful? That unlovable?

I have two half-brothers and a half-sister that I know about now. Of course, I’ve spent the last two weeks teetering back and forth about whether to try and make contact. Maybe to my aunt first? She had a relationship with us for several years after my dad left. I was never a secret to her. But what if his kids never knew I existed? Would I ruin their world? Their image of their dad? Was he loving to them?

I’m not sure if he ever got his life together – on paper it sounds like he did. I know now, though, that I’ll never have a chance to know him, to know whether or not he turned his life around, to know whether or not he ever cared about me, to know if he cried for me through the night. I’ll never know that and I’m sorta bummed about it.LHGH-960x550

Things and emotions that I assumed were long gone all bubbled to the surface over the last couple of weeks. It’s been weird.

I honestly don’t know how someone who doesn’t know God would process something like this – it’s all I’ve been able to do is to remind myself that I DO have  an Almighty Father, who will never abandon me.

In Psalm 27:10 (NLT) we’re told, Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close. The enemy would like me to think that because the bio dad didn’t hold me close and didn’t want me that I’m not worthy to be held closely.

And the enemy is a liar.

In Psalm 142:4-5 (NIV) David was in a cave, crying out to the Lord and he said this, 4 Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. And we could leave it right there… but the next verse says, 5 I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.”

When we’re in a cave, whatever that looks like for us, and when we have a relationship with the living God, we know that we can cry out to Him because He is our refuge. The enemy would like us to think that God doesn’t hear us or doesn’t care.

And the enemy is a liar.

If you’re reading this post and you don’t know who Jesus is, I assure you that He is waiting for you to cry out to Him from your cave. He is waiting to bring you into His arms and give you comfort, to remind you that you are loved, and to let you know that He will never leave you.

Satan wants to keep people under his thumb, tangled in his web of lies and deceit. He wants to tell you that you’re not worth anything – not even worth a father who wants know you. Not even worth a man at all. Not even worth a thing. He’s lying to you, sweet one. He lies to me. It’s his way.

I listened to a message last night by Jimmy Evans. It was part of a series called “The Hurt Pocket” and, surprisingly, it touched some of the hurt places in my own heart that I thought were long ago healed. One of the takeaways was that in order to heal our hurt we have to be willing to bring it into the light and to be honest with God about it. I haven’t done that. I stuffed. Deep, deep down into my soul. Do you do that? I do. I assume it’s healed because I don’t think about it, but really it’s just stuffed. Hidden. Almost to the point of not being found. And then it is. It’s found and it’s hard.

My takeaways for you, if you’re reading this, are to first decide whether or not you’re in right relationship with Christ. If not, let me help you! Email me. Message me. Anything. Secondly, if you are in relationship with Him, be honest with Him. Take your hurts to Him – no matter how old and stuffed down they are – and allow Him the time to heal them for you. He wants to heal our brokenness, we just have to give Him the broken pieces.

Being Victorious… and that’s okay.

2 Corinthians 2:14 (NASB) But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

Our founding pastor gave us a project this morning. Write.

Well, okay. That’s easy! His purpose is to start writing down things that are a vision for us throughout the year. Once they’re on paper (or blog), then they become easier to realize because they aren’t thoughts that are just trapped in our head. We are allowing others to see our vision and to support us until the vision is brought to completion.

I have so many visions, friends. So, this post won’t be about those, but about me and the vision I have for myself over this coming year. Because of my becoming, though, I hope that some of the other visions start to take shape and those things that make up my heart dreams will come to life in a way that I never even hoped or expected.

I’ve shared my word with all of you – victorious! I am in *love* with that word, y’all! And I am working in quite a few areas in my life where I want those victories to shine. This morning, though, another thought came to mind (thanks, God!). Not just being victorious in things and certain aspects, but really BEING victorious. Wha?

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Here’s the thing, we all know it’s a really – really – fine line between being humble and being proud. Being sanguine and being haughty.  I like to accomplish things. I feel like God has gifted me with the ability to lead. I like to know that goals are being met and I had a part in doing it. However, I do not like the limelight or the public recognition of it all. I prefer a quiet “atta girl” and being done with the whole thing. I feel like God has given me some really great gifts, but I want to be mindful to not take those for granted or to come off as being boastful and arrogant. But I do want to be confident.

I remember teaching a lesson once about accepting compliments and recognition. I taught it because I struggled (still do!) with it myself. I hoped that by teaching it, I would get better at it. I maybe did, a little. But I also didn’t, a lot. Just a couple weeks ago, I had to go to my manager, who had graciously handed me a few very nice compliments within a matter of a couple days and I ungraciously deflected them, and apologize for doing that. She was being kind and I was unaccepting. Ugh, I hate that about myself! Humble, proud, humble, proud… it’s like my head spins.

Because of the message I heard at church today and one I saw on Facebook after church today, I had to realize this is still something in me that needs a lot of work. The Facebook message was a full-blown encouragement to me and my walk over the last year. I was complimented on my courage and told that I was an inspiration. And that I was loved. My first thought was, “whatevs… I’m just doing what God wants me to do, no big deal! It’s nothing really.” Instead, I typed, “I love you,” and left it right there. It all kinda came together, in that moment, that people (not a lot granted, but a few solid ones! lol) are watching me. They are watching my journey, watching my faith being walked out, and looking at me in a way that’s a little bit scary for me.

And that’s when it hit… God is trying to make ME victorious! Say whaaaaat? He is using me in a way that I didn’t consider before today. Man… part of me has been so confused about this whole journey and how it was supposed to work and why it had to happen this way. And, gosh, if ONE person can see courage in what the Lord has brought me through this year, then it’s all worth it. Every hard thing. Every scary thing. Every challenge. It’s all worth it.

But the very best thing for me to know and to walk in is that if He wants me to be victorious, it means He also wants the very same thing for you. Each of us is being equipped to walk out His mission for our lives, to find the victory He is calling us toward. It isn’t prideful. It’s not being arrogant or conceited. It’s being confident in the work He’s doing through us for His Kingdom! Now, go get all victorious and stuff! :p

1 Corinthians 15:57 (ESV) But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Finding Financial Victory… or really trying to anyway.

Financial victory is amazing, right?! Well, I’m about to find out! A few weeks ago, Dave Ramsey offered a great deal on his total money makeover package and I grabbed it!

Since it’s been delivered, it’s been sitting on my dining room table.

Box opened.

Just sitting there.

Like, I know Dave… I know. Stop bossing me!

It’s funny because I’m not one of those people who has debt racked up in credit cards or anywhere else for that matter. I have one secured credit card for the sole purpose of renting a car, if I ever need to.  And that’s it. The last time I went over my finances with anyone, and I was clearly distraught about them, the couple took one look at my “sheet” and kinda looked at me like I was crazy. Their words, “you realize you have no debt and you’re really not in a horrible place, right?” Well, no. I feel like I’m in a horrible place!

In reality, I’m not in a horrible place. However, I do live paycheck to paycheck. When I moved, I was hopeful to secure a job so that I’d have a bit more breathing room financially, but as of now, that isn’t the case. So, while I’m not worse off than I was prior to the move, I’m really in the exact same place I was before. Paycheck to paycheck. I’ve sat back and asked God about this…”why can’t I be in a place with more financial stability? Why can’t I feel what it’s like to not have to live paycheck to paycheck? Why can’t I just have a wee bit more, God? Not a lot, just a little.” Doesn’t that sound so whiney?? Like, “hey, God, thanks for that job you provided me. But could You please do a little better next time?”

Ugh. I’m an awful person sometimes.

So here I am, trying to find my lesson in all of this. I feel like I’ve cut out lots of things that weren’t necessary, but I’m also holding onto things that I “deserve” because I work really, really hard and NO ONE is gonna take it away from me! *stomps feet!!* (insert awkward, in my heart temper tantrum)

Back to finding that lesson…a890fb13f5cdbe263bd0df1267049d77

How and WHY would God give me more if I don’t always manage well what He’s already given me?? It’s not even that I’m frivolous or living outside of my means because I don’t think I’m either, but I’m clearly not a good manager. In fact, I would say a good bit of my financial stress is brought on by my generous heart toward others and not wanting that person (or people) to want for anything. The problem is that I don’t have the kind of income to do that. But I really try to live like I do. I’m really trying to get a grip on that. I am. (I know my friends reading this are giving me the eye roll, like yeah yeah… heard it before. I’m totally serious this time, guys!)

In the end, today, I know this is one of those areas in which I want to become victorious. It’s one of the areas in my life that God doesn’t want me to struggle and He’s just waiting for me to learn this lesson. So today, as soon as I pay my bills for this month, I’ll begin a new journey to financial freedom.

If you’d like to do the same, so many people I know have gleaned great wisdom and tools from Dave Ramsey’s ministry. Check him out here. Let me know what you think!