Day 8…

Share something you struggle with. 

I have lots of struggles… way too many, I think. One of the things that frustrates me about myself is that I can sometimes have difficulty focusing. Even this post has had four different “struggles” already because I can’t focus on which one I want to write about here. (and now we’re on day 3 of it just sitting here because I can’t seem to finish it.)

My focus can either be all-consuming on one thing or it’s completely scattered on several (read hundreds of) things. In either event, there isn’t the balance I’d like to have in order to be and stay productive and efficient and effective.

Sometimes the ideas I have will overwhelm me so much that it’s paralyzing and so, nothing happens even though there are so many good ideas about something. And sometimes I just have overall commitment issues… like this 30 day writing challenge. We’re on Day 8 and I’m totally over it and it’s taken me like 3 weeks just to do 8 days! haha.

Maybe we’ll see Day 9… maybe we won’t. 😉

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Day 7…

This is my favorite day yet…

List 12 songs that you’re loving right now. 

In no particular order:

Day 6…

One of the things I’ve noticed since moving to TX is how people “do church” here. Church in the bible belt is much more cultural and/or obligatory and a lot less about a person having a growing, deepening, personal relationship with God.

In the last couple of months, I’ve talked to other people, from other areas, who also noticed the same thing. And, to make me feel like it’s truly legit, my pastor talked about it during his sermon yesterday. Finally, I feel like my theory is supported and has some footing.

All of that doesn’t have anything to do with today’s post, but I think that it’s important to point out how I’m not crazy from time to time. 😉

Five ways to win my heart.

Winning my heart is tricky business. I love really big and I can accept love pretty well, mostly. But, if we get into that whole romantic love thing… well, I’m pretty guarded and messy there. I’m healed. I’m whole. I’m careful.

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So, let’s talk about other ways to win my heart and not about “oh, baby, I want to marry you” kinda ways, mkay?

 

 

Coffee, as soon as my eyes pop open – that wins my heart. Well, until I get married… let’s be real, shall we? There just might be something else that pops my eyes open in the morning once I have my hunka man… buuuuut until then – coffee.

Man on man love. I love me a good bromance. When I see men encouraging one another, praying for one another, and supporting one another – all my “I wanna have his baby” sirens start to go off. Mind you, I’m not having anyone’s babies, but the sirens still work, amen? Yes.

Cannolis… let’s just keep things nice and simple. If you wanna win my heart, bring me a cannoli. I didn’t get this voluptuous frame by eating salads all day… 😉

Ridiculous kindness. Like really, we can never overdo it on the kindness front. We need to pour it out of our pores like it’s the most natural thing we’ve ever done. We should be, literally, tripping over one another to beat the other one to the task. Think of a world where people are fighting about who gets to do the next kind thing. That’s my kinda world.

Acceptance… I have fought long, hard, and dirty for the woman I am today. I will accept nothing other than someone who can take me at face value. I can be a crazy, silly nutball or I can be a deep thinking lover, and everything in between. You can challenge me to be a better version of myself, but you must accept who I am today – with all of my wacky-do doodles.

Tell me about things that would win your heart!

Day 5…

places

List 5 places you want to visit.

1) Zambia. I’m in love with this country and I’m not all together sure why. I know the AIDS epidemic hit that country really hard and the orphan population is massive. I continue to tell myself that God hasn’t allowed this trip to happen yet because I don’t have enough self-control. I can see that I would either come home and try to figure out how to adopt at least 27 children I met while there or I would just stay there and never come back. My heart isn’t ready for it. I know this about myself.

2) New Zealand. Because it’s NZ. All the pictures I’ve seen of NZ are breathtaking and I’d love to see it in person some day. Also the Maori culture is pretty fascinating to me, from the language to the arts to the haka that I love so much. I’m pretty sure if I witnessed a haka in person, I would be a puddly mess for the rest of the day. Click here to see one of the hakas explained; the Tika Tonu. There are many different hakas, and I love them all.

3) The west coast of the US, from northern CA up to the Canadian border (and probably just over because one of my friends lives in Nanaimo!). I’ve never been to that area of the country and it’s on my list of places to visit. Specifically I’d like to visit; Yosemite National Park, San Francisco – both in CA. Warm Springs Indian Reservation and Mt. Hood National Park in Oregon. Then up to WA state – I would spend lots of time here, if possible. First stop in Kennewick because #friends. Then up to Moses Lake because #friends. Then off to Seattle because #friends and #Seattle. Then to Olympic National Park, La Push coastal beaches, and back to Seattle. Before I decided to land in TX, WA state and Zambia were my other two choices of places to live. The lack of sun was literally the only thing that kept me from not choosing WA. I do think I could fall in love with it, though.

4) The northeastern coast of the US; from CT up through ME. This is another section of the country I’ve never visited. When I was a teenager, I was in love with Boston. I’m not entirely sure why, but it may have started with NKOTB and Donnie, specifically. 😉 I even hoped to attend college there one day. Alas, I’ve yet to visit, but in me they will always have a die-hard Pats fan! The entire New England area has me pretty mesmerized with its overall beauty and charm, but I am so.over.snow and would probably never live there… But God.. heh.

5) Somewhere tropical. I don’t even care where because so many places are beautiful. I wanna see blue-green water, walk on fine sandy beaches, see a parrot, eat amazing food and drink amazing drinks. I wanna fall asleep with waves lulling me there.

Where do YOU wanna visit?

Day 4…

I skipped this day on purpose because I am choosing not to answer… at least not in the way it’s meant to be answered.

Write about someone who inspires you

Too many people inspire me. Some still around. Some are not. Some who have hurt me. Some who have helped save me. I’ve been inspired through their words, actions, inactions, kindness toward others, their drive and motivation, their laziness. I’ve been inspired by both knowledge and ignorance, strength and weakness; anything can propel me toward my own goals by their own means.

So, I can’t write about someone who inspires me when everything around me inspires me in some capacity. Maybe one day I’ll be able to think about this more concisely, but if not, I’m okay gathering inspirations from the stars to the dirt.

Day 3…

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I wish this day were harder to think up something good… but it’s not. I’m a bit obsessive about things, which means I can get peevey when it’s amiss. I’m workin on it, y’all.

Day 3: What are your top three pet peeves?

And for all of you who know me, number 1 iiiiisss… ? Yes, the chewing. Get.It.All.The.Way.TOGETHER. man! I’ve left the room while my mom eats salad because it’s just something with my mom’s mouth saliva vs the ratio of lettuce/tomato intake mixed with dressing — or something. I don’t know. I have big, fat issues with people and their chewing. I also always feel the need to defend this a little, too. It’s been an issue for 40+ years – since I was a child. It’s not some new cool thing to say makes me crazy, it can literally make me crazy. Please, if you have a chance, ask me about the guy at the movie theater and his popcorn. You will see a visual storytelling that will have you feeling my pain!

I feel like the next two that come to mind are also either chewing related or general sound related, and I’m trying to think of something else. I used to really be obsessive about my pantry but then – kids grow up and make things messy and it’s not that important in the big scheme of things and I had a choice to be angry at my kid all the time for messing up the pantry or to love him despite his less than OCD tendencies. I chose the latter.

Oh! Inconsiderate drivers. Bah. Much like most of the world, a little less selfishness and a little more consideration for others would make so many things better; including the roads. Don’t tailgate. Don’t cut people off. Be a good merger/mergee.

The last one would probably be littering. Ugh. Such a disgusting habit. It amazes me that someone can just open the window to their car and throw things out of it. Blech.

Okay, one more sound one.. remember, I said I have issues. Unnecessarily loud breathing is enough to drive me completely mad sometimes. Trust me, I get mad at myself for a persons breathing being an annoyance to me… but, well, I’ll be perfect in heaven.

There you have it – things that will make me bonkers and probably explain why I’m single at 46. 😉

For your viewing pleasure, here are a few more random thoughts.

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Day 2…

6401c3ad6a26c5d57a31a3dc53a584a5Day 2 of the writing challenge tells me…

Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot. 

Assuming I remember things is already making this challenge challenging. 😉

I’d like to think I have lots of things to write about, actually. I like to ask questions about myself, for self discovery and for correction, if needed. I’m also really grateful for the people who are close to me and trust me and our relationship enough to talk to me about things that aren’t easy to hear. I can’t pretend that I *always* receive it with grace, I’m not Jesus.

One thing that comes to mind fairly often, though, is something my mom said to me back in my early, early 20’s. I broke up with a man who, for all intents and purposes, was a really great man. He was definitely head and shoulders above anyone I’d ever dated. He had his own home, a solid, well-paying job, his own car, etc… On paper, the man was an ace!

The problem was… I didn’t like him. I wanted to like him. I really did. But he bored me to tears. His lack of comedic adventure stifled every bit of my personality. His inability to have deep, meaningful conversations left me wanting to talk to his friends or other people… anyone… more than him.

You guys… so boring. Such a good, good, boring man.

We had the opportunity to be a power couple – since we both worked for the “Big 3” and we coulda done some things. But after trying to make it work and hoping he’d come around to maybe laugh sometimes, but realizing it just wasn’t in him, I broke it off.

My mom told me how proud she was of me that I would rather be alone than to be stuck in a relationship that wasn’t good or that wasn’t for me or that wasn’t going to allow me to be myself. She told me that most people would have another one ready to take up that empty space before getting rid of the first one. But the fact that I didn’t need to fill that space with just anyone made her really proud of me.

I guess it’s made me really proud of me too. I’ve spent most of my life since then single and, mostly, I’m okay with it. I would love to marry someday, but I’d love to marry the man who will allow me to be myself and to be who God created me to be. Someone who will embrace my nuttiness and want to understand my brokenness. I have no desire to settle for someone who won’t walk this road with me or help us make a new path all together. And, for the record, it isn’t all about me and my needs, but there does have to be a willingness to accept and embrace the quirkiness of one another.

I play an imaginary bango on my hair, y’all… not everyone can be okay with that. ❤