Most of my single friends will agree that we go through stages of being okay if that’s what God has for us, but other times we’re solidly and vehemently against any notion of that idea. Whether we choose to admit it or not, we all long to be loved. God created us to be in relationship with one another. While I believe all forms of relationship are important, I sincerely believe in the importance of close, intimate relationships too. Sadly, many of us have never known them and may never in this lifetime.
When I’m trying to speak life into my other single friends who are questioning why their desires aren’t being met, I have to really give myself a good pep talk ahead of time sometimes… like… okay, you DO believe what you’re about to say… maybe you don’t believe it right now, but deep down you know it’s true and you just have to keep on saying it to yourself, to others, to any single soul who wants to feel the love of another soul… and then I say…
“I don’t know. I have no idea why God is doing what He’s doing in your life or in my own. I don’t know why we’re having to wait. I don’t know what the lesson is to be learned. I don’t know why this person gets a spouse and that person doesn’t. I don’t know if it’s because there is still so much work to be done in our own hearts and lives that He’s just not able to put us together yet. I don’t know if it’s because our spouses are going through their own transitions. I don’t know.
What I do know.. We are loved. God is our faithful Provider and I stand firmly in the truth of that. God is omniscient. He knows things that we can’t even begin to understand or wrap our brains around. I know that God will, in His timing, put us in the exact place He needs us to be for His purpose. God has a path and purpose for each one of us and we might never be in a position to understand what it all means. Stay obedient. Stay in prayer. Stay humble. Be a lovely soul. Have faith that God is going to do the very thing that needs to be done in order for His plans to be carried out.”
And sometimes that’s enough. Other times it isn’t. Some of us really need time to process through the pain of loneliness and unmet desires. We need to be able to sit and be sad about things that aren’t happening that we’ve been praying to happen. We need to be bummed out about rejections every now and then. We aren’t machines…
I feel like one of the strengths that God has given to some of us is to have big huge hearts for people and a willingness to meet them exactly where they are in whatever messy state they’re in, but to also love them firmly with His truth. Being in community with other singles can be hard because we’re all in such different places with such different experiences and hurts… I hope, though, that we’re able to love well the people in front of us, no matter what part of the path they find themselves. We are all in need of extra measures of grace and a wealth of mercy as we process through our stages.
I’m particularly grateful for my friends who have loved me at every lovely and terrible stage of singleness I’ve visited. You’re my people. ❤
unfolding lovely 
As someone who is newly married, I can relate. But I can say this, it isn’t necessarily better. I didn’t know it at the time but I traded a fulfilling single life for a husband. Yes, I am happily married but I miss my single friends. It’s not that I can’t connect with them but not in the same free way. The other thing is I can’t serve in the capacities that I did before. I’m getting ready to change things up quite a bit to satisfy my lack of community since I was lifted out of my life into a whole different one. Lots of prayers and seeking God’s face in this process.
Do the things you do with all God has given you. Things could change at any time and God brings new challenges through every change. I feel honored that I have this opportunity. It’s a rebuilding of this new life that I’ve been dropped into. I need to learn how to fulfill my own needs when my husband has his own priorities. It’s a balancing act to step out and do what I need to do without stepping on my husband’s toes.
Just different challenges. Keeping all of my single ladies in prayer. I get both sides now.
Thanks for sharing this perspective with us, Candice! I know that it can be so easy to have a life imagined in our heads that is quite far from the reality of what it will/might really be like. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner how you were feeling about this so that I could’ve been praying all along! I am now, though, and I’m a single friend to whom you can always reach out and connect! 😉