Being me…

When I think about how God created me to be in this world and how to interact within the gifts He’s given me, I’m always drawn to the opportunities I’ve had to share out my story and to be in a place of transparency and vulnerability. While I do believe those gifts to be true, what I also know to be true is that I’m the ultimate gatekeeper to the level of transparency/vulnerability I’m willing to share. In a recent post, I talked about this specifically.

As I was praying last night and then thinking about what my next post would be about, I really felt like God was asking me for a bit more.

A few weeks ago, I felt myself slipping into a space where I was questioning my worth on a regular basis, I was comparing myself to other people, I was scared of being overlooked, again. I had an overwhelming fear of rejection creeping over me. I even signed up for a book study called, “Why Her?” (which was good, by the way!) These were all things I hadn’t felt in so long.

After all, I am Strong. Empowered. Brave. Confident. Wise. Smart. Unashamed. Guilt-free. Secure in who I am. Faithful Jesus follower.

And then BAM! suddenly I was back to a place where I was questioning all the things I thought to be true about myself.

My purpose as a woman who encourages others felt like a big, fat, fake lie when I knew that deep inside my own heart I was struggling to keep my heart intact and to keep my footing in God’s truth about me. I was easily able to speak God’s truth over anyone else, but speaking it over myself was becoming difficult. The affirmations I was writing to myself on my mirror left little room for me to actually use the mirror.

And then Jesus… He reminded me that:

1) I don’t belong in that space of doubt, shame, fear, rejection because He feels none of that about me. That isn’t His approach to us – to hold us in that space of questioning our worth. He died for us so that we don’t have to sit in those places… He is alive inside of us.

Galatians 2:20 (AMP) says, ^“I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

2) That I don’t have to stay there. By staying there, we allow the enemy a foothold and we give start to see things the way the enemy sees them rather than the way our Father God sees them. We need to allow the things and truths of God to bubble over so that our footing remains steady.

Psalm 40:1-2 (AMP) says, “I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of a horrible pit [of tumult and of destruction], out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock, steadying my footsteps and establishing my path.”

3) He gave me not only Himself to cry out to, but flesh and bone people to walk with me too. One of our most valuable lessons is to remember that God provides all kinds of resources for us to get out of whatever mess we find ourselves in. Many times, it’s our own friends and people He’s put in our lives who are willing to journey alongside us. ( J & S, <3)

1 John 5:14-15 (AMP) says, “This is the [remarkable degree of] confidence which we [as believers are entitled to] have before Him: that if we ask anything according to His will, [that is, consistent with His plan and purpose] He hears us. And if we know [for a fact, as indeed we do] that He hears and listens to us in whatever we ask, we [also] know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted to us] the requests which we have asked from Him.”

So, this is the girl who sometimes hides. The one who is, every now and then, way more broken than it may seem. A lot less put together than I might project into my world. Much more undone than done. He’s helping me to reveal the truths, not only for those around me, but also His truth to myself. Today, I am confidently walking in His abundant and overwhelming love for me. He is faithful. And good.

 

 

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