Today was beautiful with just a splash of suckiness…
Suckiness is not a real word. I made it up. It’s gonna be all right. And it was only a little “sucky” because I was sad.
For seven years, I’ve been held tight by an organization that molded me. Changed me. Loved me. Cherished me.
My heart feels full within those walls.
Today was beautiful because I had the opportunity to feel loved by so many of my coworkers. I’m not just talking about “there, there, darling” sort of love. I mean soul permeating love.
Love that floods my spirit. Fills my empty places. Pours over me. Envelopes.
I’ve spent most of my life not knowing how to receive love. This season of my life has been about learning exactly how to do that. I’ve had the very finest teachers and examples around me. I’ve had people who shine God’s love, so brightly, surround me for seven years.
I’ve witnessed men love their wives. Their babes. Others. Jesus. I’ve seen women turn to one another in prayer. I’ve been privileged to walk with young people while they get their feet wet in the “real world” for the first time. I’ve seen divorce up close. I’ve watched countless women become moms. I’ve held babies and babies and more babies. I’ve seen people I love fall apart and be knitted back together. I’ve had a front row seat to watch Godly leadership in full force. I’ve watched people come and others go. I’ve grown. I’ve changed.
I’m better still. He planted me in that place. For that time. For His purpose.
In this season, I’ve learned that God…
… is my only hope
… goes before me
… loves with a relentless love
… has grace without limit
… shows mercy that washes my soul
… sees me as beautiful
… gives me community
… has a purpose for me that I’ve only just begun to see fully
… desires all of me
Most of all, I’ve learned that God loves me in so many ways. He loves me as His daughter and His beloved, for sure. But He also loves me in a physical way that is only understandable because of how I know Him. He has provided me with a group of cherished friends. A collection of confidants. A gathering of His people. This is what HE gave ME for no reason at all. Surely not because I deserved it. Not because I earned it or worked for it… but as His gift to me. He looked into my heart and knew who to place in those gaps and fractures.
He knew who would love me best.
He did that for me.
He saw beyond my filthy rags and saw the woman I’m meant to be.
This door has closed. He is paving the way into my unknown.
Surrender. Fully. Trust. Completely.
I am His and He is mine.