Is love lost on…

… me?

I can’t sleep. My brain doesn’t stop easily and tonight is no exception. When those things are combined, we get late night posts that I probably regret tomorrow.

And here we are…

Please understand… I am NOT looking for sympathy, pats on the backs accompanied by a “there, there” and, certainly, not pity. That isn’t what this post is about.. it’s my heart at 4 am with no sleep.

I am full of faith in a Mighty God and I trust His plan wholly! (even if I don’t understand it)

With that said, there was a question asked earlier today that prompted this thought that’s been drifting about in my head ever since… the question was something like – how have men disappointed you in past relationships or marriages? My answer – I’ve not been loved.

One might ask how someone becomes 41 and has not been loved. I’m sitting here wondering it myself. But the fact remains… I’ve not been loved.

I don’t understand the whispered “I love yous” or the sideways glance across the room. I’ve not felt the lazy draw of a man’s finger along my arm, leg, hand… I don’t know how I’d feel knowing a heart was worried about me as I drove home from work and wondering whether or not I’d be late. I haven’t been embraced by a man so deeply that my broken was put back together.

Here I am. The never been loved by a man.i_will_call_the_unloved-500x500

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder if I will even know how to receive love if it comes my way.

I also imagine I can’t be the only one who is walking this road. Right?  =|

Please know, I’m not sad. I am not hurt. I am not lacking love as I am deeply loved by 1) a God who has died and risen again to know me and love me and 2) by friends and family who cherish me right down to my bone marrow! ❤ =]

The most important thing I am is hopeful. I’m hopeful that God has something for me that is so much better than I could ever hope or imagine! Ephesians 3:20-21

 

(am I actually going to post this? I mean my heart’s desire is to be open in this space, right? – here goes nothin…) =]

 

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2 thoughts on “Is love lost on…

  1. I sure wish I had an answer for you. I know until met your Dad, no one had ever loved me. I know I was younger than you are but consider the part of me I gave up. I had to accept him the way he was and still is. I did it because he loved me, but in the end it was not enough because he did not love me the way I wanted him to. I did the unthinkable and broke our family up. So what was the right thing? I know you want to be loved but it is so hard to find that one who will love you the way you need to be loved. Don’t stop looking, tell your friends and co-workers that you are looking. I will pray that you find a man but remember we all have flaws and you will need to accept them as well as the love.

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