Sometimes… I just want to quit.
Quit everything. Everyone. Just be done.
I hate to admit it, but I tend to be a “runner.” It’s my years of self-preservation, I suppose. When the emotion of everything becomes too much, I bail. Just go.
I wanna be in a place where no one knows me. No one sees me. And no one really cares.
The problem with that is – I can never outrun God.
I can never go where He isn’t. Where He can’t see me. Find me. Know me.
And, honestly – and we are being honest here – I don’t want to go to that place. That place, the one without God, I’ve been there. Lived there. Barely lived there.
In this place, the one where God lives with me, I can’t run. Partly because there is nowhere to run to and partly because He just doesn’t want me to. He’s teaching me how to stay put. He’s teaching me how to wait in the dark. He’s teaching me that in the waiting there is goodness.
Here’s the thing… I don’t know what I’m waiting for! It’s frustrating! I can’t see the plan. The outline. The drawing board that is so carefully designed just.for.me. I can’t see it. How do I move if I don’t know where I’m going? How do I stay if I don’t know what I’m staying for? UGH! Can you feel me?! Remember, we’re being honest here. I know you can feel me!
So, here’s the *real* thing… in God’s book… the Love Book… His very personal book of love to me, to you… He tells us – over and over and over again…
Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Psalm 33:20-22 ESV
Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.
Romans 5:3-4 ESV
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
Psalm 62:5 ESV
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.
Matthew 6:34 ESV
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Psalm 25:4-5 ESV
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
Those are just a few of the verses that talk about waiting for Him. Not being anxious. Not running away.
Just wait. Breathe Him in. Wait.